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If There Is A God That Is Judging Me Constantly

by Up River

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01:39
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02:05

credits

released November 25, 2016

Recorded and mixed by Lewis Johns at The Ranch.
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege.

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about

Up River Brighton, UK

Up River have written angst ridden hardcore punk since forming in 2011. Over the years their music has only grown more despondent, desperate and dragged down with emotional weight. They offer the soundtrack to their own emotional upheaval and frustrations.

Harry Huntington
Tom Adams
Samuel Bushby
Harry Rawson
... more

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Track Name: Shallow
Rejection is a warm bed so this is as comfortable as I'd like to get.
My skin would crawl my teeth would itch gods tears so shallow I couldn't even drown.
Was it so hard to speak your mind? Or maybe you felt empty like the cigarettes you threw to the floor?
I wish I could have thrown myself out and hit the floor to feel my teeth hit my skull like the final nail to my death bed
Plot twist I couldn't resist, the killer in you was always me. Insane I'm so ashamed to gave you the time, to set you free
We're not cut from the same cloth so in truth we'll clean up what we adore in our own sick ways.
A forked tongue, ripped from gods lung. No more lies, die without disguise
So strip my pride, I can't hide no identity no longer disguised I can't lie, I've been lying to myself to keep you here to keep you near
So strip my pride I can't hide no identity no longer disguise. Tell me how you stay alive, tell me how you heal the wounds that you hide
I'm not like you on the inside
Track Name: Deaf Waltz
I've waited and waited and waited to feel satisfied and for some it comes easy but for me It'll come when I die
We're meant to hold, we're meant to bend and break but have to let go
To let go
Just space to help you breathe, whilst dead on my knees, praying for my sins I know I can't win.
How could I be so careless? To pick the lock to my own distress
No longer by my side so far stray you watched love die
We've become an age a symphony played, make our heartbeats weaken to the waltz that fades
We’re meant to hold, we're meant to bend and break but have to let go
How could I be so careless? To pick the lock to my own distress
Track Name: Ghost Particle
This is my disguise this ain't a phase, tonight I'm an open book ripped of pages. An open wound, left to age
Watch me work the room, centre stage, impending doom. The spotlight melts my eyes, less I see just clearer skies
I'm what you've come to see Imitations up my sleeve and I'm good so good I almost believed

Detached from the hip, there's beauty in separation & loss. These words like knives cut deeper, deeper than the scars I've crossed.

"I'm fine" my famous last words behind my lies
I guess In truth I had this coming. Destroying what I built, I do it in my sleep

Rest your head
Lay still
Lay still

If there is a god that is judging me constantly. If there is a god who will punish me endlessly.
Stage fright no doubt in my mind I'm what you've come to see
Dig deeper, deeper into the earth
This is my last trick for what it's worth
Track Name: Charnel House
You stripped my flesh with a knife, bled my pride dry when you turned out the lights.
My bed is cold and empty I don't be long the maggots have crawled into my skin and can eat my eyes so I don't have to see most of the time.
Lonelier than God I'm just weaving my words to help them rhyme.
I'm not the cure you're looking for just the disease to fill your needs
Live, regret, accept, I have nothing to prove
Transparent and soluble I'm sorry I'm just far from solvable
Live, regret, accept I have nothing to prove
Bury me in loves grave Built on emptiness and fate.
Bury me in loves grave.
Track Name: Escher
Sometimes you need that crutch, when pulling teeth isn't enough
Sometimes you need that crutch, gods lonely touch

So frustrated I can't feel the same. So isolated I'm not so far from the insane
Always waning, tired of communicating. Theres comfort expiring over and over again and again

These walls have been acting pastor for my own private hell. I know you're sick and tired pulling me from my shell.
I was just so desperate to break, just to make another mistake
Walking these steps to nowhere like an Escher painting

I am in decline

Dear friends that I hardly knew
Not that I ever tried or even had a clue
You brought out the worst in me
And you brought out the worst in you

Dear friends this is the end of everything
Dear friends this is the end of everything
If anything you weren't anything